Mood swings and me...

It's funny how some things affect us in more ways than we'd ever admit to even ourselves. And realising that admittance is not necessarily defeat. (As if we didn't know this since eons?)

:-/

Thoughts

It's just so hard
to realise that
what you might want
so much may not
be right for you.
No matter how bad
you want it,
Never mind that
you tired.
It's inevitable,
hitting rock bottom
which plunges you
back to another abyss.
Sometimes just love
isn't enough.

Warmth

Warmth of a winter sun on my bare skin.
Warmth of a voice over the phone.
Warmth of a hug by a loved one.
Warmth of a smile when I feel so alone in the middle of a crowd.
Warmth of a just snuggled blanket.
Warmth of a hot chocolate milk mug against my numb fingers.
So comforting,
Heart warming, always.

Its silly really, for feeling so sentimental. Almost foolish coz I'm missing your presence even though we were together less than 24 hrs ago. Its not like we meet everyday but I'm feeling so insecure coz it seems like my saftey point is gone. Though, your just a phone call away. So very silly but I'm still smiling and feeling lonely without you.

Retrospection

After all the frenzy over Prison Break I & II and the "delectable" Michael Scoffield, I've realised
had it not been for his glamourised role he'd have been just another normal (not drool worthy) looking person. There goes one of my crushes.

No more birthday blues!

Oh well, so much for making another birthday such a big deal. I'm alright now. Ok with the fact that I'm 24! I didn't quite plan out anything for the "day". The best friend and some of my neighbours were there to celebrate by cutting a cake and some food. Nice and simple. I also got gifts from the most unexpected places which was kinda sweet! :) Have uploaded some pics of the birthday.
Flowers from Pete:

Flowers from Bachchu and Ronmi:

The YUM bday cake from Bachchu and Ronmi:

All in all, a good birthday and a new year with some fun stuff in store!

Withdrawal Symptoms

I was just thinking what I missed the most from my last relationship and oddly, I missed the comfortable silences. The silence which I thought spoke volumes. I miss the moment when I could just snuggle and feel safe and warm. I haven't felt that in months. But why am I feeling like this now? Why am I letting myself think of the past which is so obviously irrevocable?

For the past one week I have been dreading the coming days. I have a good reason, I'm going to become older by another year. Not something pleasant to look forward to. Until I was 21 I loved all my birthdays, particularly the gifts and party with friends. But now its like a date which only makes me older and none the more wiser. Its like now I'm racing with time to make something out of life. For the past 2 years its been the same; I sulk and shy away from my close friends and company. Last year one of my closest friends had to force herself to my place and wish me. This year too I'd love to run away to be with myself but I have College to attend. Thankfully I have taken leave from work for that day. I think the Best Friend wants to do something for my birthday but I have forewarned him of my plans. Lets see what happens this time around :-|

As frustrating as it is to my friends and me I still want to be alone this time too.

Sigh...

Listening to James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" and hating him for bringing a rush of bittersweet memories :'(

Musical Nostalgia

I have always associated music with memories. There are some songs that I love listening to and would love to listen to all the time so that I remember the good times I had with my friends but I usually don't. I know, totally contradictory. Listening to them only makes me sad and depressed! I particularly don't listen to music that reminds me of my last days in Army School. It makes me miss my school, friends, care-free days, parents and Guwahati. Its very irritating when I get to listen to old songs when I'm out because I consciously try to stay away from them. Songs like Salaam Namaste's "My dil goes Hmmmm" reminds me of Pete and funny times with him or Westlife's "Coast to Coast" and my first boyfriend and our first date! :-D I was "busy" cleaning my Music folder this weekend and came across some songs I listened to more than 2 years ago. I generally stop myself from listening to these because more often than not, I end up shedding some tears and sighing alone. Not a good experience :( Anyway, I listened to some of those songs today and so many memories and emotions came at the same time - a smile, a lump of emotion in my throat and a tear as well.

I wish some things, people and time didn't become memories. Even as everyday becomes tomorrow's memories I still dispair and wish time could be frozen and relived again and again. Wishful thinking at its height...

I wonder where the people filling up my memories are now? If they're as happy as they seemed years ago? Wonder if they ever think back of those times and if its with a smile and a longing?

Connected once again!

Much to my chagrin my net connection was down for the past 6 days. Had to check my mails either at work or the net cafes. I hated using both. My vivid imagination would make me wonder if the last person who used the comp had clean hands or not or wonder what kinda weird stuff had he touched! :-/

Celebrated my dearest friend's birthday yesterday even though we didn't plan to celebrate it together on the same day. But luckily I got off work early and we made it on time to give the last order at this late night restaurant. We made do with a dark chocolate with orange desert as the cake and a drink hot chocolate. Made a rucous singing him the Happy Birthday song. Fun :-)

Flirting or attempts made by men to flirt with me makes me smile and shake my head and think that all men are so similar. Its the same routine work - smile, look at the other person surreptiously, make a sarcastic comment and try to sound intelligent...Sigh...Yawn...But its time I moved on and now I'm game ;-)Take care people!

Its all about phases, my friend.

*Loads happening at the moment, from subsidary exams to entrances. And they arent going great. I studied an entire night for a subsidary only to reach the exam centre and be told that the Univ didnt send the paper. I'll know when the exam will happen next week. Fingers crossed. All I can do is despair and wait for the "exam/entrance" phase to go.

*Many familiar people are leaving for different reasons. These are people with whom I made so many pleasant memories. Now I might never meet them again. Its sad.

*Old friends making STD/ISD calls just to find out how I am makes me feel special and SMILE.

*Making plans of meeting up with friends I havent seen in "some" time excites me at the moment. Especially since I know that its going to happen very soon!

*Some things can never get better, they can only get worse. I have to stop begging Him to be just a friend. But I can't stop myself. Its a horrible feeling and phase.

*I wish getting fat was a temporary phase. Oh well, Im resigning myself to my not-so-temporary "fatness" phase.

*Im going through the "Superwoman" phase. Why? I flew all over town rescuing my non Delhite frm the airport and keeping him safe until he boared his next flight. Yay! to me.

*Im totally addicted to "Prison Break". I'm told its just been released in India but guess wat? I have both Season I and II...haha...Its should go without saying Wentworth (Drooooool) Miller is my latest crush :-D

Some of my fav. earrings. Tell me which one/s did u like best? My fav.? I loooooove them all :-)
Untill my exam/entrances phase gets over, take care people!