Back, at last

The toughness and heartlessness of the human heart can take one by surprise. Even when pain and abject poverty stands in front of us we can still push it to oblivion. Is one capable of selfless caring for the other person or does it stem as long as it is for the self?

I was on my way back home from work the other day and a handicapped person came to beg for some alms and all I did was shut my eyes and go back to sleep. Why did I do that? I thought I did it coz I didn't want to encourage beggary or was it because I didn't get affected by the wretchedness of that beggar. Have I become that hard hearted? I don't know.

On the brighter side, i'm back online and back to blogging. The past two months have been filled with too many things to do - exams, joining back work, missing the best friend, making my place a more livable place, calling TATA Broadband customer service for my net services (!) and watching movies. What have you guys been upto? Hoping alls been well.

Catch ya soon

:-)

Bloggie, here I am.

Hey Bloggie, I'm back. I have neglected you for long, haven't I? Oh well, you'd beta get used to it. I'm so uninspired.

Anyway, what have I been busy with lately? Honestly? Nothing, except for spending a lot of time with friends, attending a wedding and going for a trip from work. (That reminds me I must Blog abt the trip some time soon.)

Talking about this wedding I attended - it was like a blast from the past. It was a family friend cum ex teacher's daughter's wedding. I met so many teachers after more than 8 years. A long time indeed. Time takes it toll on everyone. I thought many had aged and some teachers told me I had put on weight (**I have to loose some weight**). It was nice to meet these teachers and have them speak to you like an adult. There was no more that teacher-student equation or awkwardness. I was dressed in my traditional attire, which is the Mekhela Sador and I thought I looked gorgeous. But guess what the Best Friend had to say? You'll never guess :-/ He said I looked Goddess Saraswati. What?!! That was my reaction as well with jaws dropped ofcourse. I am supposed to take it as a compliment. I didn't know whether to complain or shake my head in dispair. Anyway most of you will see some of these pics in my Facebook account and you can decide for yourselves if I indeed looked like the said Goddess.

Here's some more weird idiosyncrasies of the Best Friend because of whom life seems to be a happier place- I was showing him my latest purchases from a shopping trip and this is what he had to say abt one of them. "This is a very long skirt." I had to explain that it wasn't a long skirt but an off shoulder dress. LOL! Sounds cute, doesn't he? He is :-D

Weekend bum is me

Ironical. Here's what my Orkut profile says for today's fortune - Our first and last love is...self-love.
True but when does the mind realise that?!

The weekend's here and I'm totally exhausted with work n college. Guess what I've got hold of to de-stress? Nah, not a hot bod guy ;-) (I could crave for that though). I picked up 2 MB's (Mills n Boons) from a friend. Have never read them (I did read Barbara Catland though. Oh well.) and today I'm in this mood to read through some trashy romance tomes and tell myself how silly can people as well as love be. Argh. Will Blog about how I feel after reading them! :-)

The parents were in town last week and I ofcourse had to make the most of this oppourtunity! I went shopping. Lol. I picked up loads of summer wear. Going to work in different and new attire everyday is sure fun. I can't wait to go drinking in my new sexy top as well! (I could sing, "Where's the next whiskey bar?" right now :-)

There will be an offsite from work to the hills soon but I'm still not decided about going. Couple of my friends aren't going and a couple more are. I have the impending exams as well. Hmmmm...I'm so not decided. As in, I know I shouldn't be going what with the exams but **sheepish smile** I want to have some fun!!!

By the way, my summer plans of drinking and having fun before hitting the books fulltime have been squashed. The Best Friend won't be around here. He'll be busy interning back home! :'( There goes my beer-drinking-sessions-in-the-afternoon dreams! Sob. Any suggestions of how to manage minus the Best Friend?

I'm off to read my "books".

Thoughts

It's just so hard
to realise that
what you might want
so much may not
be right for you.
No matter how bad
you want it,
Never mind that
you tired.
It's inevitable,
hitting rock bottom
which plunges you
back to another abyss.
Sometimes just love
isn't enough.

Warmth

Warmth of a winter sun on my bare skin.
Warmth of a voice over the phone.
Warmth of a hug by a loved one.
Warmth of a smile when I feel so alone in the middle of a crowd.
Warmth of a just snuggled blanket.
Warmth of a hot chocolate milk mug against my numb fingers.
So comforting,
Heart warming, always.

Its silly really, for feeling so sentimental. Almost foolish coz I'm missing your presence even though we were together less than 24 hrs ago. Its not like we meet everyday but I'm feeling so insecure coz it seems like my saftey point is gone. Though, your just a phone call away. So very silly but I'm still smiling and feeling lonely without you.

A recent conversation

Has this happened with you where you could never predict something like that to come up in a conversation? Like some stuff which probably is spoken only between very close friends and next thing you know, someone you hardly know asks you the same without even batting an eyelid? Yes, thats exactly what happened to me the other day. And to top it all, that person was one of my best friend's niece which technically makes me her Aunt as well though she is a IIIrd year College kid!!!

Anyway here is a snippet of the conversation:
Niece: The last time I met you with my Aunt you guys were talking about some weird boy friend of yours. (Note: This meeting was like 2 yrs ago)
Me (Smiling) : Yup, the weird one is history now.
Niece: So did you date anyone after that?
Me: Yup, someone who eventually broke my heart and I have been happily single for more than a year. (With a satisfied smile)
Niece (With a look of awe): Wow. And sex?!
Me (With jaws dropped): What about sex?
Niece: So how do you manage without it?
Me (I was about to pass out with the shock): It has never been an option!
Looking back I can only have a good laugh now.

Oh well, life doesn't seem to stop with her surprises!

Winters arrived

Winters are here...the cold is here and I'm so not happy. If there is one season I dislike, it has to be the Winters! Delhi winters even more. The constant cold numbing my fingers, ears and nose for two months, argh! I can't for the love of god imagine how do people manage living in places with snow for most of the year?! (Like Ricky!!!)
Anyhow, the Blowers been brought down and so have the Winter clothes including mufflers, gloves and caps. I have started wearing socks all day long and I can't even manage sleeping at night without my gloves on. For all this inconvenience I had to go shopping (Ofcourse) :-D Anyway picked up a pair of cool pair of Converse for everyday wear. As you can see below, I'm posing with them!My Dad refused to blow up $150 for a pair of Boots from abroad so I had to make do (not that I had any other choice) with one purchased from South Ext. I loooove them.

How are you guys preparing for the Winters? (I know Ricky's busy Winter shopping as well)

Thats all for now, have to get back to the books and the warm Blanket. Take care people.

Retrospection

After all the frenzy over Prison Break I & II and the "delectable" Michael Scoffield, I've realised
had it not been for his glamourised role he'd have been just another normal (not drool worthy) looking person. There goes one of my crushes.

Withdrawal Symptoms

I was just thinking what I missed the most from my last relationship and oddly, I missed the comfortable silences. The silence which I thought spoke volumes. I miss the moment when I could just snuggle and feel safe and warm. I haven't felt that in months. But why am I feeling like this now? Why am I letting myself think of the past which is so obviously irrevocable?

For the past one week I have been dreading the coming days. I have a good reason, I'm going to become older by another year. Not something pleasant to look forward to. Until I was 21 I loved all my birthdays, particularly the gifts and party with friends. But now its like a date which only makes me older and none the more wiser. Its like now I'm racing with time to make something out of life. For the past 2 years its been the same; I sulk and shy away from my close friends and company. Last year one of my closest friends had to force herself to my place and wish me. This year too I'd love to run away to be with myself but I have College to attend. Thankfully I have taken leave from work for that day. I think the Best Friend wants to do something for my birthday but I have forewarned him of my plans. Lets see what happens this time around :-|

As frustrating as it is to my friends and me I still want to be alone this time too.

Sigh...

Listening to James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" and hating him for bringing a rush of bittersweet memories :'(

Musical Nostalgia

I have always associated music with memories. There are some songs that I love listening to and would love to listen to all the time so that I remember the good times I had with my friends but I usually don't. I know, totally contradictory. Listening to them only makes me sad and depressed! I particularly don't listen to music that reminds me of my last days in Army School. It makes me miss my school, friends, care-free days, parents and Guwahati. Its very irritating when I get to listen to old songs when I'm out because I consciously try to stay away from them. Songs like Salaam Namaste's "My dil goes Hmmmm" reminds me of Pete and funny times with him or Westlife's "Coast to Coast" and my first boyfriend and our first date! :-D I was "busy" cleaning my Music folder this weekend and came across some songs I listened to more than 2 years ago. I generally stop myself from listening to these because more often than not, I end up shedding some tears and sighing alone. Not a good experience :( Anyway, I listened to some of those songs today and so many memories and emotions came at the same time - a smile, a lump of emotion in my throat and a tear as well.

I wish some things, people and time didn't become memories. Even as everyday becomes tomorrow's memories I still dispair and wish time could be frozen and relived again and again. Wishful thinking at its height...

I wonder where the people filling up my memories are now? If they're as happy as they seemed years ago? Wonder if they ever think back of those times and if its with a smile and a longing?

A look alike? Freaky!

I have something so freaky to write about today...Ok, on second thoughts, its not so freaky...but...anyway here it is...College is fun...attending classes, hanging around etc. But I haven't actually gone out of my way to make new friends in my Class. Thats the way I am...I hate making an effort for anything. The friends I made in the first few days are the ones I'm comfortable with. But then today everyone from Class were together and I suddenly saw this chap frm Class in a new light/angle(!) He resembles my ex 8-O Even his expressions and the way he walks (in a nonchalant way). No, it isn't my imagination. Its just weird. I'm wondering what I'd do to the look alike if I walked into class tipsy...What do you guys think? ;) I was thinking more in the lines of a kick or a punch! :-P

How's the week coming along people? Just 2 more days and the weekend's here. Payday? 11 more days. I can count the days in my fingers now! Yay! Yes, I live for Paydays! :-D

Take care people!

Connected once again!

Much to my chagrin my net connection was down for the past 6 days. Had to check my mails either at work or the net cafes. I hated using both. My vivid imagination would make me wonder if the last person who used the comp had clean hands or not or wonder what kinda weird stuff had he touched! :-/

Celebrated my dearest friend's birthday yesterday even though we didn't plan to celebrate it together on the same day. But luckily I got off work early and we made it on time to give the last order at this late night restaurant. We made do with a dark chocolate with orange desert as the cake and a drink hot chocolate. Made a rucous singing him the Happy Birthday song. Fun :-)

Flirting or attempts made by men to flirt with me makes me smile and shake my head and think that all men are so similar. Its the same routine work - smile, look at the other person surreptiously, make a sarcastic comment and try to sound intelligent...Sigh...Yawn...But its time I moved on and now I'm game ;-)Take care people!

Im just 23 people!

I thought I'd write abt my first Voice Over experience. So here I was yesterday all ready early (read 9 am) in the morning and I called Him to ask him how much it would cost me if I took an Auto (since it was quite close to his place). Im so sure His heart must have skipped a beat when I asked Him that. He must have feared that His nightmare was abt to become real! Im sure the entire morning He would have been restless and had a constant disgruntled look. Hehehe. Actually I should have told Him I'd drop by His place to tell His parents what a jerk their son was. (Ok, I got two horns and a tail and a wicked grin on my face now). Enough of that now.
Anyway, I reached my destination and got to know how one does a Voice Over for a media house. Interesting stuff-all new to me and thus exciting. I learnt abt voice modulation, accent neutralisation and pronounciation. Not bad! And since it was all new, I was just having fun, taking feed back and making more mistakes and grinning away. Considering it was the first time I had done something like this the feed back I got was....uhmm....good! That I had a nice voice which could be worked upon and improvised with :-D I think they're too generous with their comments. But hey, im not complaining. Im all kicked to learn more. Guess this experience was the closest I could get to imagine myself as an RJ! So all done with the voice over and I walk out to get myself another Auto when I came across this tree:
Looks like Big Foot stepped over the tree!
So I got an Auto and sit back, happy that the voice over went good and then you wont believe wat happened! The Auto guy starts digging into his mouth and throwing out stuff! I think it was tobacco in his mouth! Ewwwww...Gross! I counted my change coz I couldnt think that I would be able to accept any change frm his unwashed hands. I had abt 30 bucks in change and I asked him to stop the Auto when it was around 30 something. Hailed another Auto and instructed him to take me to CP. I thought I could relax now (this was around 1 pm, imagine the heat!) and then this guy starts digging his nose and this time I didnt have any loose change! Argh! I made him stop in a Mother Dairy booth frm where I picked up a juice and the all important change. When I eventually reached CP I let the guy keep the change that remained. For a person like me who's a cleanliness freak that borders on to an OCD, all this left me feeling very sick. Not looking for any other excuses I went to my fav place, Cha Bar where I ordered a fruit tart, thinking it would be a normal tart and an iced tea. When the tart came I was so surprised to see it topped with fresh colourful fruits and in my greed to have a bite of it, I forgot to take a picture of it! Next time I shall control my greed and show it to you guys as well. Do you even want to guess what book I picked up to read? Um...no prizes for guessing, Break ups! Read quite a bit of it but im still going to be me-Obstinate and dumb.

Oh you guys have to hear this: I just got back home from some grocery shopping. While paying the Rickshawalla and managing the bananas, veggies, buscuits and milk etc, this kid frm my Society I've never spoken to comes by and says, "Hello Aunty." Aunty?!!! :-O I would have pounced on the kid had it not been for the cumbersome bags and having to pay the Rick guy! Uff, thats the price one has to pay to be beautiful and 23! :-(